on energy.

Rage pounded my ears, my jaw tightened, my motherly voice turned to a hiss.  These were all signals that I needed him out.  Now. The boy donned his 4T Christmas plaid jumper, paired with his darling mushroom brown corduroy pants.  There he goes! He plummets from the Fisher Price stove top to the bean bag chair and launches himself to the play-dough center, smashing his classmates’ creations.  His eyes dart to mine and he grins with the entirety of his sweet four-year old face.  Oh no.  Ohhhh no.  Snaps unfasten, shooting me another smile, he squats...and...yep.  That happened.   I don’t know what hit my nose first-the tears or the stench. His mushroom brown corduroys matched the mess on the floor.

My headmaster appeared as the initial shock settled.  

“Oh dear, you just need yourself a hot cup of tea,“ her Mrs. Doubtfire-esque Scottish accent calmed me.

“He did it on purpose, you know.  He smiled at me.  Before he, you know...”  Fighting it, my eyes welled up with tears.  

“My dear, he’s just a wee baby.  We have to teach him.  Go take yourself a break and we’ll talk about it more later.”  She guided me to the lounge and left me alone.  

Just a wee baby? He’s four! He knows how to read.  He tears apart the classroom and picks on other kids and now he takes poops on the puppet theater carpet?!? On purpose!  Ok, calm down.  You can do this.

I cradled the porcelain cup in both hands and bent my head forward into the rising steam.  Tears fell into the cup and I wondered if the tea shop near my flat hired expats.  I would be a tea connoisseur! Stroll into work at 10am in my “presentable” comfies, burn incense, perfect the chai latte and engage in compelling conversations about music and travel and books.  I could always go back to teaching.  

“Hey Kel.”

“Monika, thank God.”

“What?”

“I’m having the crappiest day.”

“Wanna go to Radost after work?”

“Girl, yes.  See ya.”

Was Mrs. Doubtfire right?  I mean, he is a child.  I’m an adult.  But I’m allowed to get upset.  My hand began to feel clammy against my bouncing knee. I can’t believed I cried in front of the kids.  And in front of my boss.  I’m so tired.  Maybe I’ll just take a nap instead of meet Monika.  I guess I could workout.  I dunno.  I’m tired.  

“Ok, my dear, are you better?”  Mrs. Doubtfire hummed.  

“Yes, thank you, I’m on my way back.”  

Choosing to spend my first year as a real teacher, teaching abroad in the Czech Republic was a journey in itself.  Pre-K classroom, thirteen different home languages, British curriculum, and thousands of miles from family and friends presented life lessons and reality checks amongst the daily bouts of culture shock.  

I sometimes reminisce about that day a kid pooped in the puppet area on purpose.  So much negative energy spent on an otherwise hilarious situation.  It’s tough to step outside ourselves as teachers, especially with such an emotionally laborious job.  Preserving our energy as teachers, however, is crucial.  

Tips for Preserving Energy Throughout the School Day

1. Find your elixir.  Tea became my cool down elixir for a few years.  More recently it’s La Croix, and for my students, it’s a sour patch kid during testing, but whatever your magical potion, keep it on hand and sip slowly.  It can be therapeutic.  
2. Inhale the negative, exhale the positive.  Breathe in whatever has you at your breaking point.  Hold it in, allow it to exist, then breathe out.  Harnessing it can be dangerous.  That fire in you can be transferred to creative energy.  Use that fire inside of you as an opportunity to create a solution.  
3. Practice gratitude.  When you feel yourself raging up or on the verge of tears, try to remember to count your blessings.  You are fortunate to have a full time job, with medical benefits and a uphold role that inspires and impacts human beings.  Beyond teaching, what are you thankful for?  I actually keep photos of my family posted in various areas throughout our school building, reminding me that there is more to life.  Just gazing up at a family photo in moment of frustration puts me at ease.  
4. Consider the context.  You shouldn’t have to apologize for having feelings.  Trying to understand all involved parties, though, might help you cope. Did your student just tell you to f-off when you asked him to stay on task?  Maybe his crush just rejected him.  Did a colleague just snap at you for asking a simple question? Maybe she’s at her breaking point, too.  Did you send a kid to the office and he returned five minutes later?  Perhaps there was some miscommunication regarding the incident.  These are not excuses, but not taking it personally might brighten an otherwise poo poo day.
5. Get by with a little help from your friends.  Monika saved me on that crappy day in Prague. Venting to that trustworthy teacher friend can be quite refreshing.  Just make sure not to fall into the Negative Nancy circle.  Seek out the solution-minded crew. Need to be alone? Make friends with your music. Although my prep times are currently filled with breast pumping and Facetiming, I used to find solace in a hidden hallway nook, listening to Spotify playlists, plugged into headphones, grading papers, just me and Usher.  

And just think-holiday break is knocking at your door...